Departures: NM99: Part K

Beyond Zero...

Was it Worth It?

1999.04.03 SAT

I'd come hundreds of miles to see a patch of desert. I'd been windblown, rained on, sunburned, snowed on, bored, and subjected to food that was sub-gourmet. I was sitting on the bus, heading away from Trinity.

I'd learned nothing in Alamogordo.

In Los Alamos, I'd learned something, but nothing I couldn't have learned from books. I might have read those books anyhow.

The Trinity site hadn't really made me any wiser.

Was I hoping for wisdom from this vacation? Not just facts, but wisdom? Maybe. I think I found a little. Nothing brilliant. Nothing worldshattering. Not an insight, just an inkling of how high the stakes can get.

Army, Arjuna, R. Julius Oppenheimer

It was at the National Atomic Museum, watching that movie, "Ten Seconds that Shook the World," seeing the place where they'd edited out part of Oppenheimer's speech.

It's possible to overstate the importance of this edit. Oppenheimer spoke on the topic a few times. He worded things differently. Still, this one was recorded, and is perhaps most quoted. And the fact that people would edit out part of it drew my attention to the missing part. I'll emphasize that part in my transcript below (transcribed from the sample in Grötus' "Morning Glory")

I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita. Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty and to impress him he takes on his multi-armed form and says, "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds."

What's this "duty"? It's tied up with the caste system. If you're a member of the warrior caste, as the prince was, it's not your place to ask how or whether the battle should be fought, as the prince was. Krishna makes it pretty clear that the warrior should do the warring and leave the high-level decision-making to the leaders:

Considering your dharma, you should not vacillate. For a warrior, nothing is higher than a war against evil. The warrior confronted with such a war should be pleased, [Prince], for it comes as an open gate to heaven. But if you do not participate in this battle against evil, you will incur sin, violating your dharma and your honor.

Bhagavad Gita (II. 29-30), tr. Eknath Easwaran)

How did Oppenheimer end up leading the Atomic Bomb effort? Was he bloodthirsty? Was he a mad scientist?

He was a physics geek, one of the best the world has ever known. He didn't pay much attention to the outside world. But he'd recently heard that scary stuff was going on out there. Some madman was taking over Europe, killing lots of people. Oppenheimer's relatives back in Germany were in trouble.

Oppenheimer wouldn't have been much of a soldier. He'd always been a bit frail. He was asthmatic, had had TB.

But then a man from the government came and told him that he, Oppenheimer, could help stop the madman, could help stop the war. The Germans were working on using nuclear fission power to create a bomb. The Americans had to develop one first.

Oppenheimer was a member of the geek caste. He was faced with a technical problem. The leader caste told him he was needed.

It's all very well to scoff at the Nazi soldiers who said, "I was just following orders." But it's not always easy to think for yourself. It's easy to say, "Just because the enemy is developing an atomic bomb is no reason to develop our own."

But sometimes everything seems to be falling apart around you and a voice of authority tells you that you can help shore things up. Krishna would tell you that it's your duty to follow the voice of authority.

It's no great insight to say that Oppenheimer should have chosen differently, should have told Krishna where to stick "duty." Oppenheimer himself made clear his regret.

Still, it's worth keeping in mind that when everything's falling apart and it's easy to panic, even then you have to think for yourself. It's hard and it's awful and it's vital. Maybe the world depends on it.

U Are Beautiful

Our tour group had lunch at the New Mexico Institute of Mining and Technology, at Soccoro. After lunch, we had a choice: watch Institute people blow something up or see the Mineral Museum. I wasn't in a mood to see something blow up. I took a tour of campus, walking past the office of then-student Cort Dougan, who did some porting of Linux to the PowerPC. Eventually, I got to see the mineral museum.

There was a display case with uranium samples. These were not samples of the refined product. Instead, they showed how uranium can appear in nature. It was beautiful.

I'm going to do something strange. I'm going to list off the text of the little cards that were next to the uranium samples. (I'm also putting my notes into emphasized parenthetical remarks.) If you're not into it, skip down a bit.

Uraninite
UO₂
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM

Ilsemannite & Jordisite
Mo₃O₈*nH₂O
Marquez Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM

Metatorbernite
Cu(UO₂)₂(PO₄)₂*H₂O
Jeter Mine, Ladron Mountains District
Socorro County
(It was sparkly, and green. It looked like dyed sugar. It looked tasty.)

Carnotite (dinosaur bone)
K₂(UO₂)V₂O₈*3H₂O
Poison Canyon Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM

Schrökingerite
NaCa₃(UO₂)(CO₃)₃(SO₄)F*10H₂O
Poison Canyon Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(This one looked like pale green lichen)

Metatorbernite + Magnetite
Cu(UO₂)₂(PO₄)₂*8H₂O + Fe₃O₄
J.B. Close Iron Mine
White Oaks District
Lincoln County NM
(It looked like green copper)

Barite + Calcite
BaSO₄ CaCO₃
Sect. 19 Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(brown crystal and white crystal clustering on rock)

Bayleyite
Mg₂(UO₂)(CO₃)*18H₂O
Poison Canyon Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(This was a thin layer of intense bright yellow on dull stone. You can see why people might think to put this stuff into pottery glaze. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Too bad it's poisonous.)

Matahewettite
CaV₆O₁₆*3H₂O
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(These were strand-like brown crystals.)

Zippetite
K₄(UO₂)₆(SO₄)₃(OH)₁₀*4H₂O
Jackpile Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
("Zippetite"? Like yellow dots on a lizard's back)

Cuprosklovadowskite
(H₃O)₂Cu(UO₂)₂(SiO₄)₂*H₂O
Iron Mountain District
Sierra County NM
(Again, copper green. How would a miner know it was laced with Uranium?)

Curite & Uranophane
Pb₂U₅O₁₇*4H₂O & Ca(UO₂)₂[SiO₃(OH)*5H₂O]
(Appeared in clusters of short needles, the needles bright yellow, radiating out from the center of each cluster, like feathers dropped from the world's brightest canary.)

Coffinite
U(SiO₄)_1-X(OH)_4X
Sect 35 Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM

Autunite
Ca(UO₂)₂(PO₄)₂*10-12H₂O
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(Like light lime green paint peeling off a rock)

Selenium in Sandstone
Se
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(Like a wort on the rock)

Tyuyamunite
Ca(UO₂)₂V₂O₈*5-8H₂O

(variegated green, like looking at grassy hills from an airplane)

Santafeite (Type specimen)
(Na, Ca, Sr)₃(Mn, Fe)₂Mn₂(VO₄)₄(OH,O)₅*2H₂O
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(thin layer of dark purple crystal)

Trinitite
Trinity Site WSMR
Socorro County NM

Carnotite
K₂(UO₂)₂V₂O₈*3H₂O
Haystack Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(a thin layer of yellow green)

Andersonite
Na₂Ca(UO₂)(CO₃)*6H₂O
Sect 23 Mine
Ambrosia Lake District
McKinley County NM
(varied puffs of green covering a rock, like a mountain forest seen from air)

Getting Along Home

1999.04.04-05 SUN-MON

There's an insight that lots of people talk about when it comes to WWII. They talk about the power of diversity. Critics of diversity say they don't want to waste their strength helping the weak. But in WWII, diversity helped the USA to kick ass. Here was two-fisted diversity. The Nazis, to put it mildly, were intolerant towards the Jews. The Jews came to the USA and ended up boosting its scientific brainpower quite a bit.

I haven't heard fans of diversity point out project Paperclip, in which the USA again demonstrated its tolerance. Though various people were upset with Nazi scientists, the USA took them in and again gained knowledge that would help in future ass-kicking.

If WWII taught us anything, it's the importance of getting along with other people. If we can't get along, we're doomed.

Easter Sunday morning, I sat at the counter of Lindy's Cafe, reading, waiting for pancakes and oatmeal. My notebook was handy. It was rather early, and only two of the counter's nine seats were occupied. So I wasn't expecting Tammy (her name turned out to be Tammy) to walk up to the seat next to mine and ask, "Okay if I sit here?"

I looked up at Tammy. It wasn't hard to figure out what was going on. Her eyes glowed. They glowed with a light that I recognized. It was the glow of the saved. Tammy knew that she was going to heaven when she died. I was as sure as I could be that she was going to try and talk me into going to a church service later that day.

I buried my nose in my book. I scribbled notes in my notebook. When Tammy asked me innocuous questions, I grunted. Tammy said Hi to the waitress. The waitress replied, "Hi, Tammy" in what seemed like guarded tones. I took this to mean that I was wise to avoid conversation. I liked the waitress. I trusted her judgement.

My simple breakfast, thanks to one presumed holy roller, had turned into something unpleasant. I had come to dislike Tammy intensely. I reminded myself that Getting along with people was important. But getting along with Tammy?

Monday, I was sitting down for the first leg of the flight back to San Francisco. A lady with a "Friends"-style haircut walked up. She was going to be the other occupant of my row. She was carrying a cat carrier. "Is it okay if I put my cat under the seat between us?" She asked. I asked her what kind of cat it was.

When I asked that, I just wanted to know how much fur it had, how much trouble my allergies would give me.

She thought I was saying Go ahead and put the cat there, that I was Expressing Interest in her cat. She thought I was expressing interest in her life. This was not, in itself, unforgiveable. The thing was, I really didn't want to hear any of it.

You shouldn't judge a person by her appearance, I suppose, but I really didn't want to waste time talking to someone who thought it was worth her time to ape the haircut and style of dress of a TV sitcom character.

There are polite, nonverbal ways to indicate you want out of a conversation. I used them all. I kept looking at my book. She kept talking. I started wincing whenever she spoke. She didn't stop talking.

It was a zombie conversation. It's dead though it doesn't know it. No matter how hard you try to stop it, it keeps coming after you. It doesn't stop until it eats your brain. I reminded myself that Getting along with people was important. Surely that didn't mean getting along with this airhead?

Later, on the next leg of my plane flight back, I was next to a nervous man. I don't want to give the impression that I'm against nervous people in general. I myself am often a nervous person. On plane flights, especially, I get antsy. On takeoffs and landings when I can feel the plane shaking, I have been known to clench armrests with white-knuckled grip.

Generally, I'm not too obvious about my nervousness, and there's a reason for this--nervousness is contagious. Nervous people make other people nervous. If you're really calm, you can withstand the field of a nervous person. But if you're not so calm yourself, then being around a nervous person can push you over the edge.

My own flight nervousness is just on the edge, at the flashpoint, the fulcrum of the teeter-totter of terror. I can just hold myself together as long as I can concentrate on staying calm.

But the guy next to me wasn't calm. He shifted. He coughed. He sweated. He wrung his hands, cracked his knuckles, fluttered his fingers. His leg shook constantly. He twitched. He said words aloud--they seemed to be occasional excerpts from some internal monolog.

He was scaring me. I forced myself to breathe slowly. I tried not to mirror his twitching. I tried not to notice how the seats were moving in time with his leg. I didn't hop up onto my seat and scream, "Cut that out! You're scaring the @^*% out of me!"

I reminded myself that Getting along with people is important. I looked at this this man, and breathed in air that smelled of hate and fear. We're doomed, then. I thought. I don't want the world to blow up. But I don't want to have to get along with all these people.

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