It is March and the lovely EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "play".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump and his buffoonish adviser Elon Musk don't understand gender and they throw tantrums when trans women play women's sports. These clowns say they're worried that men will pretend to be trans to peep in the women's changing room. As if the problem there is trans women—anyone who only claims to want to participate in some activity just to peek in the changing room is a menace, no matter what their gender, even if everyone agrees on what that gender is. For example, Trump bought some beauty pageants. For years, he barged into dressing pageant dressing rooms. His gender wasn't the problem, just the creepiness.

Can you figure out what these words are supposed to be? Some clown has stuck 🄼 and 🄵 labels on them, getting it wrong every time. For example, they saw someone playing and said they were flaming. You might worry that it's ambiguous: How did we know it was playing and not blazing or glaring or clawing or… Don't worry, we have clues for the words. You can see we already crossed out the clue for playing. OK, you can worry a little: the clues aren't in order; you'll have to think to figure out which goes with which word.

When you're done, the circled letters will spell a word for a better way to celebrate our country's might than chasing some women out of sports.

Clues:

• By choice
• Day 20
• Less ruly than a rally as protests go
• Maybe bigger than an earldom. (Definitely more fun to say.)
• Nation home to the Natanz Nuclear Facility
• One of 50 in the USA
• Participating in a sport, perhaps
• Square

Hints, rot-13'd:

• Ol pubvpr tbrf jvgu sngure. Yrff ehyl tbrf jvgu evsg.
• Fdhner tbrf jvgu svar. Angvba tbrf jvgu Sena.
• Qhpul vf sha gb fnl orpnhfr vg fbhaqf yvxr "qbbxvr" v.r., cbbc

Solution, rot-13'd:

cl / synzvat / CynLvat / Cnegvpvcngvat va n fcbeg, creuncf
e / sngure / Engure / Ol pubvpr
b / evsg / evBg / Yrff ehyl guna n enyyl nf cebgrfgf tb
gr / fgnss / fgnGR / Bar bs 50 va gur HFN
pu / qhzzl / qhPUl / Znlor ovttre guna na rneyqbz. 
a / svar / Avar / Fdhner
v / sena / Vena / Angvba ubzr gb gur Angnam Ahpyrne Snpvyvgl
pf / snzr / PnFr / Qnl 20

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2025-03-26T02:29:57.992211

It is March and the lovely EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "random".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump (egged on by his buffoonish adviser Elon Musk) has done something random! He… uh.

It's at this point that I'm supposed to pick our some action by the administration that fits the theme "random". I am overwhelmed by choice. Whoosh. Hoo boy. OK, hang on, I got this.

Today a reporter for the Atlantic reported that the Secretary of Defense and the Director of National Intelligence were sharing classfied files in a Signal chat room. They violated the espionage act, but probably thought they'd get away with it because Signal chat rooms can auto-delete messages after a while. But our drunkard Secretary of Defense added a reporter to the chat room and didn't even notice.

Anyhow, I made you a cryptic crossword. I was still feeling overwhelmed by choice, so I used anagramming in every entry and always indicated it with "random." Enjoy!

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2025-03-25T03:26:29.333827

It is March and the lovely EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "search".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump (egged on by his buffoonish adviser Elon Musk) keeps flopping around trying to do things and judges keep stopping him. Now he's throwing tantrums again, screaming that he wants to find who's thwarting his dimwit plans.

That's a 2020-era meme to remind you of the bad old days towards the end of Trump's first term. Trump ruined many things during his first term, but not nearly as many as he wanted to. That's because when lawyers sued the Trump administration, about 80% of the time they were suing over something totally illegal and won their case. Now Trump is writing orders targeting law firms. If I were tired of lawyers consistently winning cases against me I would simply stop breaking the law every single day.

Anyhow, here's a word search. Find the old-timey words for wrongdoers and fugitives. Highlight them or cross them out or something. When you're done, the leftover letters should tell you who Trump tells his searchers to find:

Word list:

BOLTER
CAITIFF
CREEP
CROOK
DODGER
KNAVE
OUTCAST
PERP
VARLET
VILLAIN

Solution, rot-13'd:

obygre  (ebj:0, pby:0, qve:r)
pnvgvss (ebj:5, pby:0, qve:r)
perrc   (ebj:5, pby:0, qve:a)
pebbx   (ebj:5, pby:0, qve:ar)
qbqtre  (ebj:0, pby:7, qve:f)
xanir   (ebj:0, pby:6, qve:f)
bhgpnfg (ebj:7, pby:0, qve:r)
crec    (ebj:1, pby:0, qve:r)
ineyrg  (ebj:6, pby:0, qve:ar)
ivyynva (ebj:6, pby:0, qve:r)

The leftover letters spell: ZL FPNCRTBNG

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2025-03-24T02:11:40.823895

It is March and the lovely EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "ring".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump (egged on by his buffoonish adviser Elon Musk) has created a three-ring circus of incompetence. In a three-ring circus, three acts can perform at the same time, there's space for all of them. Now Trump is throwing a tantrum: Judges keep enjoining him, pointing out that he's ordering illegal things.

This is his strategy; he wants to "flood the zone." If he keeps on ruining things, the people running along behind him trying to fix things can't keep up. Hmm, "flood the zone" is kind of an interesting phrase. It describes a three-ring circus; it contains three ring-shaped letters, by which I mean Os. With that in mind, you might take a break from dOOmscrOlling tO enjOy this simple crOsswOrd, nOthing strange gOing On here, nOsireebOb.

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2025-03-23T03:06:34.766073

I made a new page for my site: Bonobo Lexigrams. I was looking over the Ape Initiative's lexigram sheets that they use when working with bonobos. I thought maybe someday I'd want to have a searchable word list and separate graphics handy in a hurry, so I made that. And then I put it online in case I need to find it again and/or someone else wants to use it.

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2025-03-23T15:34:57.623217

It is March and the lovely EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "board".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump (egged on by his buffoonish adviser Elon Musk) wants to run America like a business. Alas, he's a dimwit, and all of his businesses failed. Well … his businesses kept failing until he became president, then his businesses made a lot of money "selling" to shady investors, i.e., accepting bribes. You might ask: How did this loser get a reputation as a smart businessman?

"The Apprentice" was a reality TV show from 2004 to 2017. Contestants competed at business-themed challenges. A business expert would judge their efforts, uh, in theory. When the producers were first putting their show together, they contacted many successful businesspeople, asking them to appear on the show as the expert; all the successful businesspeople said "no." And thus, instead of a business expert, they got Donald Trump. Did you ever read producer Bill Pruitt's article on Trump's incompetence? (Here's an archive link in case you can't read the Slate article.) It's just kind of sad; until you remember that this guy became president, then it's tragic. Unfortunately, the producers did a good job of covering for Trump's stupidity. With enough fancy music and strategic edits, Trump seemed impressive!

At the end of each show episode, contestants would go to a "boardroom." Those contestants who'd done worst at the challenge would have to face Trump. He'd "fire" (eliminate) one contestant with the creative catchphrase "You're fired!" With that in mind, can you get from model train to a by the following steps, eliminating a letter each time and then anagramming?

Solution, rot-13'd:

zbqry genva / Znpuvar ba gur Grpu Avpxry Cyngr
yvba gnzre / Zvtug fgvpx gurve urnq va n zbhgu, rj?
grezvany / Ubj gb trg n pbzznaq yvar ba n Znp
zvareny / Abg navzny be irtrgnoyr
znvyre / Rairybcr, sbe rknzcyr
nevry / Qvfarl Cevaprff be Nevry'f jvfcl cny
envy / Grpu Avpxry Cyngr ____ebnq
nyv / Gur Terngrfg: Zhunzznq ___
ny / "Jrveq __" Lnaxbivp
n / Vaqrsvavgr negvpyr

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2025-03-22T02:58:22.377119

It is March and the lovely EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "combine", as in "consolidate."

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump (egged on by his buffoonish adviser Elon Musk) wants to consolidate federal procurement for goods and services used by many departments. Why is he doing this? I have a theory, but he says it's for the taxpaer. Yes, the taxpaer. (typo still up on the WhiteHouse site as I write this [update: but fixed as I proofread, awwww]. H/t to Elizabeth Aer Ayer for spotting this.)

On the one hand, we have the DOGE hyenas promising to streamline government by harnessing the power of Artificial Intelligence. On the other hand, we see they haven't yet learned to harness the power of looking for the wiggly red line under a typo. Bad news: Clowns armed with hatchets prowl the halls of government. Good news: At least I know what puzzle I can write today.

Can you figure out what letter is missing from each hypothetical WhiteHouse dot gov headline blow? Rite them in the banks provided on the eft. We already filled in the K missing from One Monkey Don't Stop no Show. Hen you ill in the others, you should see my theory on hat Trump hoes to consolidate ere:

K : One Money Don't Stop no Show

_ : The Patent Protection and Affordable Care Act

_ : Scare as 🐔 Hen's Teeth 🦷

_ : On President Biden not Seeing Re-Election

_ : Tales Ladders and Chairs Match

_ : Crete, Read, Update, and Delete

_ : Video Game Addition

_ : Enzyme-Lined Immunosorbent Assay

_ : Comic Microwave Background Radiation

Some hints, rot-13'd:

• RYVFN vf fubeg sbe Ramlzr-YvaXrq VzzhabFbeorag Nffnl
• Gb n jerfgyre, GYP vf fubeg sbe Gnoyrf, Ynqqref, naq Punvef
• ESX We qbrfa'g jnag lbh gb xabj gung vg'f Cngvrag (abg Cngrag) Cebgrpgvba

Puzzle solution, rot-13'd:

X / zbarl / zbaxrl / Bar Zbarl Qba'g Fgbc ab Fubj
V / cngrag / cngvrag / Gur Cngrag Cebgrpgvba naq Nssbeqnoyr Pner Npg
P / fpner / fpnepr / Fpner nf Ura'f Grrgu
X / frrvat / frrxvat / Ba Cerfvqrag Ovqra abg Frrvat Er-Ryrpgvba
O / gnyrf / gnoyrf / Gnyrf Ynqqref naq Punvef Zngpu
N / pergr / perngr / Pergr, Ernq, Hcqngr, naq Qryrgr
P / nqqvgvba / nqqvpgvba / Ivqrb Tnzr Nqqvgvba
X / yvarq / yvaxrq / Ramlzr-Yvarq Vzzhabfbeorag Nffnl
F / pbzvp / pbfzvp / Pbzvp Zvpebjnir Onpxtebhaq Enqvngvba   

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2025-03-21T01:35:54.194351

Book Report: Steve Kerr, a Life

A few years back, someone told me: Keep an eye on that Steve Kerr basketball coach guy; he could be governor one day. Thus did I, not really a sports guy, find myself reading a sports biography. People who disagree with Kerr mutter that he should keep his opinions on world events to himself and concentrate on basketball. It turns out world events have intruded on his life since the beginning. I was not expecting a Yasser Arafat cameo in a basketball story. The book also touches on a possible reason Kerr got into the habit of talking to the sports press back when he was starting out in sports—alongside participating, back in high school, he was a reporter for his high school newspaper. Thus he probably had some sympathy for sports writers and a sense for which tidbits their readers wanted. (This was when he attended high school in Pacific Palisades, yes, the place that burned down a few months ago, including one of Kerr's childhood homes. But that happened after the events in this book. Anyhow.)

I learned a fair amount. Maybe if I were more of a sports guy, I would have gotten it all from reading, say, Kerr's Wikipedia article. He played with the Orlando Magic and didn't do much; from there he went to Chicago and was suddenly doing a lot more. Probably a basketball expert could look at that and say, well of course, it's not like players are just bad or good; you have to consider how well their skill set meshes with the kind of play the coach encourages. This book helped me understand how that could happen, and I appreciate it. I bet that kind of experience helped Kerr to be a better coach and manager, seeking out players who were skilled, and specifically skilled in areas that would fit the Warriors style.

I dunno if he'll be governor. He could have retired to surf all day. Instead, he became a coach. Was that because of world-spanning ambition? This book makes the case: Kerr missed the camaraderie of being on an NBA team. I can't imagine swapping that for the, uhm, camaraderie of hanging around with a bunch of pols. But who knows what the future will bring; not me.

[Updated to add:] Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: I am still figuring out ways to read books that don't involve me paying Amazon $$$ to read on a Kindle. I ordered this book from my local book store (Green Apple) and picked it up at the store the next day. I still like reading on an e-reader more than I like physical books, but reading paper books is still nice.

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2025-03-21T11:34:00.884164

It is March and the lovely EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "case". As in, "In case of fire, break glass." Here, "case" describes a a condition. If there's no fire, please don't break that glass.

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump (egged on by his buffoonish adviser Elon Musk) has laid of thousands of federal workers and canceled government projects to make government more efficient: spend less, get the same benefit. (Well, except we expect to pay more recovering from unexpected weather disasters than we were spending on weather radar repairs; and a lot of those cancelled contracts, we'd already paid for; OK, these cancellations aren't actually going to save us money overall, but for now, the government is theoretically spending less.) Since the government is spending less, does that mean that Americans can pay less in taxes?

Okay, so we can pay less in taxes after Trump balances the budget. We are waiting for the same Trump who grew the national debt by about eight trillion dollars in his first term…(hoo boy); we're waiting for that guy to balance the budget. We are in for a long wait for this "case" to occur.

Here's a puzzle about some other unlikely cases. We've got some phrases that have been split up; beginnings on one side, endings on the other. Figure out which ending goes with each beginning. Notice that one letter in each ending is big and bold. Write that letter down next to the appropriate beginning. (We wrote in the B from Bleeds to the left of "When a stone" for you.) When you're done, the big and bold letters should spell out what kind of person will enjoy reduced taxes right away, without waiting for a balanced budget:

Some hints, rot-13'd:

• Gurer ner gjb pnyraqne-l pnfrf: Sroehnel guVegvrgu naq gjb Fhaqnlf pbzvat gbtrgurE.
• Nppbeqvat gb gur fnlvat, uraf qba'g unir grrgu. (Va cenpgvpr, fpvragvfgf sbhaq n gbbgu-tebjvat trar va puvpxraf frireny lrnef onpx, cerfhznoyl yrsg bire sebz jura oveqf ribyirq sebz qvabfnhef. Znlor abj gurer ner uraf jvgu grrgu? Vf guvf ubj Whenffvp Pbbc fgnegrq?)
• Gur fxl jba'g snyy, ab znggre jung Puvpxra Yvggyr gryyf lbh. Gura ntnva, jr'ir orra jebat nobhg puvpxraf orsber. Uzz.

Puzzle solution, rot-13'd:

Jura n fgbar / Oyrrqf
Ba Sroehnel / guVegvrgu
Jura cvtf / sYl
Jura gur fxl / snYyf
Jura lbh fdhner / gur pVepyr
Jura Uryy / serrmrf Bire
Jura lbh svaq gur unlfgnpx'f / Arrqyr
Jura lbh ureq / pNgf
Jura gur fha / frgf Va gur rnfg
Jura gjb Fhaqnlf / pbzr gbtrgurE
Jura uraf tebj / gRrgu    

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2025-03-20T02:02:55.747911

It is March and the lovely EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "machine".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump (egged on by his buffoonish adviser Elon Musk) keeps imposing tariffs on goods. Thus, if you want to buy various imported goods in the future, you'll have to pay high taxes on them. In theory, this could work out okay; it might encourage local manufacture of important items. In practice, we have bozos setting tariffs randomly. This annoys foreign nations; it annoys Americans who don't want to spend an extra $1072 per year in taxes. "Elect a clown, expect a circus" is a funny saying, but it's less funny when you're living in that circus.

I listed some of the top categories of US imports below. I also researched the nations that are the top exporters of those categories (not necessarily to the US; alas, I didn't find any info that fine-grained). For our major imports, this turned out to be just three countries. For each import, can you figure out which country is the main exporter? If you can, write the short 💰💰💰 code in the blanks, like I wrote in CNY (China) by Industrial machines. Get them all right, and the circled letters should spell out a better word for 💰💰💰 here:

List of nations (and their 💰💰💰) useful in this puzzle:

Some hints, rot-13'd:

• Vg'f zbfgyl Puvan. Jura va qbhog, thrff PAL naq pyrna hc jebat thrffrf yngre
• Treznal vf pnef gub
• Treznal vf nyfb qehtf

Puzzle solution, rot-13'd:

p / PAL / Puvan        / vaqhfgevny znpuvarf
h / RHE / Treznal      / cuneznprhgvpny cercnengvbaf
e / RHE / Treznal      / cnffratre pnef, arj naq hfrq
e / FE  / Fnhqv Nenovn / pehqr bvy
r / RHE / Treznal      / bgure cnegf naq npprffbevrf bs iruvpyrf
a / PAL / Puvan        / nccnery, grkgvyrf, abajbby be pbggba
p / PAL / Puvan        / gryrpbzzhavpngvbaf rdhvczrag
l / PAL / Puvan        / pbzchgre npprffbevrf

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2025-03-19T02:53:23.923605