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This song was performed a few times, only once with the spoken monologues, never with background voices.
Beans
In the morning. I feel so bad.
I swear each morning is the worst I ever had.
I really need some coffee before I start my day.
'Cause coffee comes from beans and beans will show the way.Chorus:
The World can be saved by beans. Yes it can.
The World can be saved by beans. Yes it can.
If it can be saved by any means. We have at hand.Mom's garden. So red and green.
Just full of scarlet runner beans.
Flowers bright as life and the vines so curly.
I prefer to eat my string beans early.Chorus
Spoken:
And how about that Juan Valdez, huh? Everyone else in Columbia is growing cocaine, and what's he doing? He's hand-picking coffee beans. And the guy's a success. He gets to appear in the New Yorker. I mean, only in ads, but it's the New Yorker, you know? And the Atlantic. Full page ads in the Atlantic Monthly. I would figure I had died and gone to heaven if my picture appeared in the Atlantic. So this guy, what does he have but just some stupid mule or something, he becomes a familiar figure to the literati while I go unnoticed. And you know why? Because Juan knows his beans! He doesn't need any of that coke. He understands the power of the bean.Sung:
ChorusTofu's gross. Really icky.
Looks kinda slimy like it oughta be sticky.
But everyone likes it, gaijin and goy.
We can all learn to like it - every girl and boy.Chorus
It's Natural. Methane is a gas.
Too much of it can be a pain in the ass.
Eat your beans and an hour later
You could warm an elevator.The World can be saved by steam. You know it.
The World can be saved by steam. You know it.
Vapor ain't always what it seem. So don't blow it.The World can be saved by beans. Yes it can.
The World can be saved by beans. Yes it can.
If it can be saved by any means. We have at hand.Scientific! They're legumes.
The world's beans could fill 500 rooms.
To eat it all you'd have to compact it like granite.
With the power gained you could save the planet.Chorus repeated, while monologue spoken in background:
Kidney beans at the salad bar tonight! Yahoo! Pile them on! Roy Blount Jr. is the pope. Don't worship him. Just feel better. And don't forget to eat those beans. C'mon they're good for you. Navy. Boston Baked. Lima. They speak of travel to far off lands. Head on down to your local bean distibutor today. I know I will.Chorus repeats into fadeout.