It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "place".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump wants put his extremely toxic brand on buildings!

Trump Place was a group of mostly-residential buildings in Manhattan's Upper West Side. They were decorated with the name "TRUMP" in big gold letters. Then Donald Trump got elected president and the world saw he was an incompetent clown. Embarrassed Trump Place residents petitioned to have Trump's name taken off the buildings—and they were. What a mess. Silver lining: it inspired this puzzle:

Here we see clues and blanks (and then another set of clues below). In each line, the first set of blanks fits the clue. But then there's a second set of blanks for a word/phrase you get after removing one each T, R, U, M, and P. Maybe helpful: there are clues for these un-TRUMPed answers down below; but they're not in order. When you're done, the letters in circles (happy Pi Day!) spell out another way to get Trump's embarrassing name off buildings.

Clues for short answers:

• 🦆
• 🌊 at river's end, maybe
• Fill completely
• Forbid
• Gov't org that ideally catches investment fraud
• Iowa college home to the Kohawks
• Martial arts film star Bruce ___
• _pplication-_pecific _ntegrated _ircuit
• 🎶🤶 __ ____ you when you're sleeping 🤶🎶

Some hints, rot13'd to help with, e.g., music from before you were born, maybe:

• Lbh xvqf gbqnl zvtug abg xabj nobhg byqvrf zhfvp yvxr gur Ebyyvat Fgbarf' "Fgneg Zr Hc" naq Gur Fhcerzrf' "Jurer Qvq Bhe Ybir Tb?"
• Gur evire pyhrf tb gbtrgure. Gur Vbjn Pbyyrtr vf Pbr.
• Gur enc fhotraer vfa'g whfg Genc, ohg Genc Zhfvp.

Solution, rot13'd:

fcrpgehz / fRp / 🌈 pbagvahhz / Tbi'g bet gung vqrnyyl pngpurf vairfgzrag senhq
cyhz gerr / Yrr / Cynag va n sehvg bepuneq / Znegvny negf svyz fgne Oehpr ___
hcfgernz / fRn / Gbjneqf n evire'f fbhepr / 🌊 ng evire'f raq, znlor
qhzc gehpx / qhPx / Iruvpyr unhyvat teniry, creuncf / 🦆
🎶 fgneg zr hc 🎶 / fnGr / Ebyyvat Fgbarf uvg, n pnyy gb pnyy gb npgvba / Svyy pbzcyrgryl
genc zhfvp / nfVp / Enc fhotraer nffbpvngrq jvgu QW Cnhy / _ccyvpngvba-_crpvsvp _agrtengrq _vephvg
pbzchgre / pBr / 💻️ / Vbjn pbyyrtr ubzr gb gur Xbunjxf
c g oneahz / onA / Uvfgbevpny pvephf enpbagrhe / Sbeovq
gur fhcerzrf / ur Frrf / Qvnan Ebff tebhc jvgu uvg…  🎶🤶 __ ____ lbh jura… 🤶🎶
    

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2026-03-14T16:53:15.022864

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "kitchen".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump wants to put his extremely toxic brand on kitchen goods! But how to set the prices for customers who want to be ostentatious but don't know how anything works?

True story: The Trump online store has a kitchenware section. Can you guess the prices of these items? (I always used the undiscounted price, though many of these are heavily discounted at the store. I wonder if Trump supporters are willing to pay bad prices for things as long as they've been discounted from ludicrous prices. Maybe the supporters thusly convince themselves they've mastered the Art of the Deal?) Note down the letters by your choices; you should get a descriptor for a typical Trump supporter but not-so-great for a kitchen.

	RWB Camo Towel Because easily-seen towels are for the weak	S) $15 T) $45 U) $115 V) $315
	Gold Serving Tray Is it solid real gold, fake, or plate? 🤷	O) $25 P) $75 Q) $200 R) $595
	Chocolate Silver Bullion 1.5 oz of chocolate, set of 2	O) $10 P) $30 Q) $80 R) $225
	RWB Plaid Apron Is the plaid part supposed to be flag dimensions?	I) $25 J) $70 K) $185 L) $520
	White Wine Glasses Set of 2 (assumes Trump supporter has a friend?)	L) $55 M) $130 N) $365 O) $970
	Acrylic Serving Tray Because genuine marble slabs are heavy	D) $65 E) $190 F) $495 G) $1360
	Snowflake Bottle Stopper I thought they hated snowflakes?	D) $25 E) $65 F) $200 G) $495

Hint: You can browse the Trump store

Solution, rot13'd:

F / EJO Pnzb Gbjry / gx_pnzb_gbjry / Orpnhfr rnfvyl-frra gbjryf ner sbe gur jrnx / 18
C / Tbyq Freivat Genl / gx_tbyq_genl / Vf vg fbyvq erny tbyq, snxr, be cyngr? 🤷 / 78
B / Pubpbyngr Fvyire Ohyyvba / gx_fvyire_pubp / 1.5 bm bs pubpbyngr, frg bs 2 / 12
V / EJO Cynvq Nceba / gx_nceba / Vf gur cynvq cneg fhccbfrq gb or synt qvzrafvbaf? / 28
Y / Juvgr Jvar Tynffrf / gx_juvgr_jvar / Frg bs 2 (nffhzrf Gehzc fhccbegre unf n sevraq?) / 50
R / Npelyvp Freivat Genl / gx_snhk_zneoyr / Orpnhfr trahvar zneoyr fynof ner urnil / 185
Q / Fabjsynxr Obggyr Fgbccre / gx_fabjsynxr / V gubhtug gurl ungrq fabjsynxrf? / 26
    

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2026-03-13T15:04:56.268260

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "concrete".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump is vain and gets angry when you remind him how much most people despise him!

People often refer to Trump by insulting nicknames: Rancid Cheeto, Tangelo Toddler, Napoleon Bonespurs, Orange Poolius, etc. Members of his staff have learned not to refer to these nicknames in his presence lest he throw a tantrum. But how then to talk about them?

We can imagine a system of codewords, each of which refers to a nickname by using that nickname's last ~syllable as the first syllable of some innocuous word. Figure out which codewords to use for which insulting nicknames and write them in the blanks. When you're done, the first letters of the "leftover" bits (like the second C in conCrete) should spell out a word (but be sure not to say it near Trump!).

Innocuous codewords: Acetone, Antagonist, Damaged, Concrete, Terrain

Some hints, rot13'd:

• Rnpu svany ~flyynoyr ghearq bhg gb or guerr yrggref ybat. Uhu, V qvqa'g cyna gung.
• Fnqqnz vf n uvfgbevpny ersrerapr gb jnaan-or qvpgngbe Uhffrva
• Snegre vf abg inyvq Fpenooyr™ ohg vf inyvq va guvf chmmyr

Solution, rot13'd:

Qba gur / Pba / pbapergr         / Pergr
Gnat Gle / nag / nagntbavfg      / ntbavfg
Sbhaqvat Sne / gre / greenva     / enva
Fjrrg Cbgngb Fnq / qnz / qnzntrq / ntrq
Benatr Zra / npr / nprgbar       / gbar  

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2026-03-12T15:50:50.265105

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "past".

Oh no! The British clown King George was so bad at governing that the American colonies declared themselves independent and rejected the concept of monarchy itself!

On July 4, 1776, the Founding Fathers eponymously founded the USA by signing the Declaration of Independence. This document declared the former colonies to be independent states and says a little about what good government looks like. The largest part of the document talks about what bad government looks like. There's a long list of ways that "Mad" King George governed especially poorly.

These days, elected president Trump gets angry if you point out he's not a king. Did clown George's stumbles inspire clown Donald's whims? Silver lining: It inspired a matchup puzzle. For each grievance from the Declaration of Independence, find the matching Trump blunder. Write the blunder's circled letter in the blank. When you're done, those circled letters will spell something.

Past grievances:

Modern blunders:

• CⒺCOT
• DⓄGE
• EmⒾl Bove
• Goal: Ⓓeport a million people annually
• IⓂpounded funds approved by Congress
• January 6 attack on the CaⓅitol
• PrevenⓉed state legislatures from regulating AI
• Sent National Guard to Ⓢtates that didn't request it
• TariffⓈ

Solution, rot13'd:

Q / Ur unf raqrnibherq gb cerirag gur cbchyngvba bs gurfr Fgngrf; sbe gung checbfr bofgehpgvat gur Ynjf sbe Anghenyvmngvba bs Sbervtaref; ershfvat gb cnff bguref gb rapbhentr gurve zvtengvbaf uvgure / Tbny: Qrcbeg n zvyyvba crbcyr naahnyyl

R / Sbe genafcbegvat hf orlbaq Frnf gb or gevrq sbe cergraqrq bssraprf / PRPBG

F / Sbe phggvat bss bhe Genqr jvgu nyy cnegf bs gur jbeyq: Sbe vzcbfvat Gnkrf ba hf jvgubhg bhe Pbafrag / Gnevssf

C / Ur unf rkpvgrq qbzrfgvp vafheerpgvbaf nzbatfg hf / Wnahnel 6 nggnpx ba gur Pncvgby

B / Ur unf rerpgrq n zhygvghqr bs Arj Bssvprf, naq frag uvgure fjnezf bs Bssvpref gb uneenff bhe crbcyr, naq rng bhg gurve fhofgnapr / QBTR

G / Ur unf sbeovqqra uvf Tbireabef gb cnff Ynjf bs vzzrqvngr naq cerffvat vzcbegnapr / Ceriragrq fgngr yrtvfyngherf sebz erthyngvat NV

V / Ur unf znqr Whqtrf qrcraqrag ba uvf Jvyy nybar, sbe gur graher bs gurve bssvprf, naq gur nzbhag naq cnlzrag bs gurve fnynevrf. / Rzvy Obir

F / Ur unf xrcg nzbat hf, va gvzrf bs crnpr, Fgnaqvat Nezvrf jvgubhg gur Pbafrag bs bhe yrtvfyngherf / Frag Angvbany Thneq gb fgngrf gung qvqa'g erdhrfg vg

Z / Ur unf ershfrq uvf Nffrag gb Ynjf, gur zbfg jubyrfbzr naq arprffnel sbe gur choyvp tbbq. / Vzcbhaqrq shaqf nccebirq ol Pbaterff

Many thanks to Ilya Somin, David Corn, and Tim Murphy for researching these so I didn't have to.

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2026-03-11T14:12:14.600711

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "band".

If you search the Epstein files for "band," you'll find messages from Doug Band. Those messages are disturbing, so let's stick with the abstract I lifted from Wikipedia:

Douglas Jay Band… is an American businessman and lawyer… was Deputy Assistant to President Bill Clinton in the White House and later counselor to President Bill Clinton. Band was the "key architect" of the Clinton post-presidency and he created the Clinton Global Initiative. …

In 2002, Band met Jeffrey Epstein as Clinton and Epstein went on a trip together. Band said he disliked Epstein and urged Clinton to cease his relationship with him, which Clinton refused to do. Band has been proven to have lied. He referred to convicted sex trafficker Maxwell as his "boo-boo." …

Silver lining, he signed his emails Doug Band, with first and last names the same length. Thus, I could make this word ladder: change DOUG into BAND, changing one letter at each step. (There's no secret message/single answer word to extract from this puzzle; just filling in rungs on a word ladder.)

Solution, rot13'd:

qbht / Svefg anzr
qbhe / 😒
fbhe / yvxr 🍋
fbhf / _-purs, frpbaq-va-pbzznaq
fbaf / _ naq qnhtugref
fbat / Zhfvp jvgu ylevpf
ybat / Qbht Onaq yvirf va Arj Lbex, n pvgl arne _ Vfynaq
ynat / Qverpgbe Sevgm jub znqr na rneyl ebobg zbivr
ynaq / ♫ "Guvf _ vf Lbhe _ … gb gur Arj Lbex vfynaq" ♫
onaq / Ynfg anzr
  

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2026-03-10T15:18:16.839924

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "water".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump hallucinated immigrants committing felonies (projection?) and sent kidnap squads to Minnesota, Chicago, and elsewhere. Those squads kidnapped US citizens, kids, US citizen kids; they used tear gas by kids' schools. They… Well, it's bad.

Darned thin silver lining: it inspired a cryptic crossword puzzle. Careful: not only is it cryptic, there's a gimmick. You might start with 15-Across to find out what's going on.

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2026-03-09T15:04:08.011166

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "mystery".

This year, when I don't immediately have an idea for a puzzle, I search the Epstein files for inspiration, so I started to do that. But then I thought: Mister Epstein. "Mister E." OK, so here's a puzzle. Below are clued some short words like "mister" that, pronounced with a letter, give long words like "mystery" (also clued; you're welcome). When you're done filling in the blanks, read those letters you added. They'll spell out one theory on the mystery of what happened to Mister E. in prison.

Some hints, rot13'd:

• Gurfr: 👬 ner ZRA. Lrf, fnzr jbeq obgu gvzrf (ohg jvgu qvssrerag yrggre nqqrq rnpu gvzr)
• Gur 🧑‍⚖️🏛️ vf PBHEG.
• 🍭 vf PNAQL

The solution, rot13'd:

R / zvfgre / zlfgrel / Wrsserl'f gvgyr / 🔎
K / pbheg / pbegrk / 🧑‍⚖️🏛️ / 🧠
R / zra / znal / 👬 / ybgf bs
P / sna / snapl / 🪭 / juvz
H / zra / zrah / 👬 / erfgnhenag ernqvat
G / gerr / gerngl / 🌳 / nterrzrag
R / ubyr / ubyv / 🕳️ / Srfgviny bs Pbybef
Q / pna / pnaql / 🥫 / 🍭

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2026-03-08T15:05:37.355553

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "wild".

Oh no! The USA clown private citizen Trump demanded the death of five kids back in 1989 for no good reason!

Back in 1989, five children were accused of a crime committed in New York's Central Park; they became known as The Central Park Five. Donald Trump, already a scaredy-cat back then, called for the death penalty. Since he was a rich nepo baby, he could afford to take out full-page ads in four major New York newspapers, and did so. "Bring back the death penalty!" Is that part of the reason The Central Park Five were convicted despite the lack of evidence?

Trump then as now always got things wrong. Thus it wasn't super-surprising when the actual perpetrator confessed many years later and The Central Park Five became The Exonerated Five.

According to the police interrogators, one of the kids had said he was "wilding," theoretically slang for wreaking mayhem. Except there was no such slang. You didn't really hear kids say "wilding." But for years afterwards, you did hear about "wilding"… from pundits who were afraid of black peop ahem cities, they were afraid of cities.

It's too bad The Exonerated Five were locked up all those years, but silver lining, I got a puzzle out of it. See if you can identify these Fives. To help you out I also give you the letters of the answer like RAACEKLNPRT for Central Park. I do this because some of these are kind of obscure and because to me "wilding" definitely sounds like a cryptic crossword anagram indicator. Fill in the blanks; when you're done, the circled letters should spell something appropriate.

Some hints, rot13'd:

• Gung Nevry vf sebz Funxrfcrner'f Grzcrfg, abg Gur Yvggyr Zreznvq. Ur'f fvatvat nobhg n fuvcjerpx.
• Gur "Tynq Nyy Bire" onaq jnf anzrq nsgre fbzr thl jvgu vavgvnyf QP
• Cvmmvpngb vf n cynlvat grpuavdhr gung vaibyirf cyhpxvat gur fgevatf bs n fgevat vafgehzrag naq gur anzrfnxr bs gur Wncnarfr onaq Cvmmvpngb Svir.
• Xvz Cuvyol rgp jrer erpehvgrq gb Fbivrg vagryyvtrapr juvyr fghqlvat ng Pnzoevqtr. (Gur qhyy bar va Ratynaq, abg gur pbby bar jvgu ZVG)

E / gur pragEny cnex / Orsber gurl jrer Gur Rkbarengrq Svir
R / gur Rkbarengrq / Nsgre gurl jrer Gur Prageny Cnex Svir
Y / shYy sngubz svir / Jurer gul sngure yvrf, nppbeqvat gb Nevry
R / fynhtugReubhfr / Xheg Ibaarthg abiry n.x.n. Gur Puvyqera'f Pehfnqr
N / cvmmvpNgb / Svkgher bs gur yngr 1990f zvpebtraer Fuvohln-xrv
F / gur shevbhF / Tenaqznfgre Synfu naq… 
R / pnzoevqtR / Fcvrf Xvz Cuvyol, Qbanyq Znpyrna, Thl Ohetrff, Nagubal Oyhag, naq Wbua Pnveapebff
Q / gur Qnir pynex / Ratyvfu Ebpx naq Ebyy onaq jvgu 1964 uvg "Tynq Nyy Bire"

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2026-03-07T17:50:47.863372

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "sound".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump sounds incoherent!

People who hear him speak say that Trump isn't of sound mind. If you just pay attention two three or four words at a time, he seems OK. But if you keep listening, you realize he doesn't speak in complete sentences. It's not clear whether it's fragments. Or just a long rambling chaotic mess that takes bizarre misogynistic or racist side jaunts before maybe veering back on topic or maybe somewhere else who knows—

The challenge: Find and fix the 24 typos in the following transcription. Why is that challenging? Because the transcribed speech makes no sense. For each typo, write down the incorrect letter. When you're done, they'll spell something.

Look, having nuclear—my uncle wan was (N) a great professor and scientist end engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, okay, very smart, tee Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—yod know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, okay, if I ran as a literal Democrat, they would saw I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—bet when you’re a conservative Republican then try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: tent to Wharton, yas a good student, went there, weft there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials ill the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—fut you took at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s hot as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, tae power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the mower of what’s going to happen and he was eight—who would have thought?), nut when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three add even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, them don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now then the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take then about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians art great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.

The incorrect letters: N _ _ _    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _   

Solution, rot13'd:

A / jna / jnf / Ybbx, univat ahpyrne—zl hapyr jna n terng cebsrffbe naq
R / raq / naq / fpvragvfg raq ratvarre, Qe. Wbua Gehzc ng ZVG; tbbq trarf,
R / grr / gur / irel tbbq trarf, bxnl, irel fzneg, grr Junegba Fpubby bs Svanapr,
Q / lbq / lbh / irel tbbq, irel fzneg—lbq xabj, vs lbh’er n pbafreingvir Erchoyvpna,
G / yvgreny / yvoreny / vs V jrer n yvoreny, vs, yvxr, bxnl, vs V ena nf n yvgreny Qrzbpeng,
J / fnj / fnl / gurl jbhyq fnj V’z bar bs gur fznegrfg crbcyr naljurer va
R / org / ohg / gur jbeyq—vg’f gehr!—org jura lbh’er n
A / gura / gurl / pbafreingvir Erchoyvpna gura gel—bu,
G / grag / jrag / qb gurl qb n ahzore—gung’f jul V nyjnlf fgneg bss: grag gb Junegba,
L / lnf / jnf / lnf n tbbq fghqrag, jrag gurer, 
S / jrsg / jrag / jrsg gurer, qvq guvf, ohvyg n sbeghar—lbh xabj
V / vyy / nyy / V unir gb tvir zl yvxr perqragvnyf vyy gur 
S / shg / ohg / gvzr, orpnhfr jr’er n yvggyr qvfnqinagntrq—shg
G / gbbx / ybbx / lbh gbbx ng gur ahpyrne qrny, gur guvat gung ernyyl obguref zr—vg jbhyq unir orra
U / ubg / abg / fb rnfl, naq vg’f ubg nf vzcbegnag nf gurfr yvirf ner (ahpyrne vf cbjreshy; zl
N / gnr / gur / hapyr rkcynvarq gung gb zr znal, znal lrnef ntb, gnr cbjre naq gung jnf 35 lrnef ntb;
Z / zbjre / cbjre / ur jbhyq rkcynva gur zbjre bs jung’f tbvat gb unccra
R / rvtug / evtug / naq ur jnf rvtug—jub jbhyq unir gubhtug?),
A / ahg / ohg / ahg jura lbh ybbx ng jung’f tbvat ba jvgu gur sbhe cevfbaref—abj vg hfrq gb or guerr,
Q / nqq / naq / abj vg’f sbhe—ohg jura vg jnf guerr nqq rira abj, V jbhyq unir fnvq vg’f nyy va
Z / gurz / gurl / gur zrffratre; sryynf, naq vg vf sryynf orpnhfr, lbh xabj, gurz qba’g, gurl unira’g
R / gura / guna / svtherq gung gur jbzra ner fznegre evtug abj gura gur zra, fb, lbh xabj, vg’f tbaan
A / gura / gurz / gnxr gura nobhg nabgure 150 lrnef—ohg gur Crefvnaf ner terng artbgvngbef, gur
G / neg / ner / Venavnaf neg terng artbgvngbef, fb, naq gurl, gurl whfg xvyyrq, gurl whfg xvyyrq hf.

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2026-03-06T15:40:22.742013

It is March and the lovely #EnigMarch people have challenged puzzle designers to write a puzzle inspired by today's word: "path".

Oh no! The USA clown President Trump keeps getting math wrong!

One year ago, I made made a puzzle about Trump's tariffs because he claimed they'd help the country but hurt us so much. But I didn't point out that their formula made no sense. Since then, he's promised to cut drug prices by over 100%, which would be a neat trick, except that's not how percentages work. Maybe he doesn't mean to lie when he says he's good at deal-making. Maybe he just can't reckon the math to know what's a bad deal?

Anyhow, here are some fill-in-the-blanks clues. In each case you're looking for a word that gets MATH wrong; specifically, gets one letter wrong. E.g., in the first clue below, you'd write in PATH, which gets the first letter wrong. Note down those wrong letters; when you're done, you find out who's qualified to join Trump's cabinet.

Some hints, rot13'd:

• Xraarql svefg yrggre; Urtfrgu guveq yrggre; Jevtug frpbaq yrggre; Qhssl guveq yrggre; Yhgavpx svefg yrggre; Abrz svefg yrggre.
• Gung byq-gvzrl ovoyr dhbgr vf zvffvat "ungu"
• Gur zvffvat yrggref ner p, u, b, c, f, naq l.

The solution, rot13'd:

c / cngu / Frpergnel bs Urnygu naq Uhzna freivprf Eboreg S. Xraarql We. fnlf uvf
f / znfu / Frpergnel bs Jne Crgr Urtfrgu vf xabja nf gur "QHV Uver" sbe uvf nohf
l / zlgu / Frpergnel bs Raretl Puevf Jevtug, cenvfvat pbny, fnvq 
p / znpu / Genafcbegngvba Frpergnel Frna Qhssl jnf fb dhvpx gb jvguqenj erdhverz
u / ungu / Frpergnel bs Pbzzrepr Ubjneq Yhgavpx ivfvgrq Rcfgrva'f vfynaq nsgre s
b / bngu / Ubzrynaq Frphevgl Frpergnel Xevfgv Abrz yvrq haqre ____ gb pbaterff j

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2026-03-05T17:49:40.895952